I Don’t Want Two Moms

My Dear Miss Bennett:

After I talked to your older brother, Ian, today you asked me who Pam is. When I told you she is Ian and Alex’s stepmom, you then asked me who Paul is. I reminded you that Mr. Paul is Ian and Alex’s dad.

Then you went through the usual run down about how Paul and I used to be married and how Daddy and Skyler’s mommy used to be married. You asked, “What are you to Skyler?”

I explained to you that I am Skyler’s stepmom. You thought for a moment and then asked, “Am I going to have two moms?”

I told you no, most definitely not.

You looked down, bit your fingernail, then looked at me again and said, “But you and Mr. Paul broke up. What if you and Daddy break up?”

I tried to explain to you that Mr. Paul and I had a very different relationship than Daddy and I have. Daddy and I are friends and we enjoy talking to one another and spending time together. These are important characteristics of having a healthy marriage.

“But, I don’t like it when you fight.”

I then let you know that it is perfectly natural for people in any kind of relationship to have disagreements. I reminded you that you and I fight sometimes. And we still love each other very much.

Then I told you something that I really wish someong had told me. Some people will probably think this is common sense, but for me? I just really had no clue.

Here’s the thing to remember:If you don’t feel good about yourself when you are with them and you aren’t happy at least 90% of the time then you probably shouldn’t marry that person. If the person you are thinking about marrying makes you feel bad, uncomfortable, or you think you can’t talk to them about absolutely anything in the world – then you should not marry that person. Just because you love the person they are and can see all of their special gifts, doesn’t mean they are going to love you back. When you marry a person who doesn’t really truly love you, it oozes out in every conversation, every single encounter you have until only disdain and resentment are left. That is what happened with Mr. Paul and me. That is what happened with Daddy and Skyler’s mom.

Marriage is tough. Even the healthiest relationships are tough! Your dad and I do love each other. We also annoy each other. We support each other, and get mad at each other. The thing is though – I love your dad! All of him. All of his wonderful, awesome talents and gifts and the ways that he makes absolutely everything better! I am crazy about him! But, I take all of him. The things that I don’t like about him, and the things that irritate the crap out of me. Those things, however, are very miniscule. They are just very, very small bits of our marriage. Every other part of our marriage overshadows the annoying stuff I don’t like.

I’m pretty sure he feels the same way. I’m sure you haven’t noticed this, because I am your mom and I am your hero – but, I can be kind of dorky from time to time. Oh, no, it’s true. And I can be a really big baby. And I whine a lot when I am tired. And I’ve recently realized that I have muppet hair. And your dad loves me in spite of all these not-so-flattering traits. He takes me as I am. He loves me, supports me, takes care of me, and makes me laugh every day.

I really don’t think you will have another mom, unless, as you and Logan fully believe, I die soon. Then your dad, even though he says he never will, might find someone as dorky as me to share the rest of his life with. As for us getting divorced, though, I don’t see it happening.

So, while Ian and Alex have an awesome stepmom in Miss Pam, and Skyler has an awesome muppet-like stepmom in me, you my dear will just have me.

And since I am a baby when it comes to sharing, I wouldn’t have it any other way!

I love you, my sweet Elizabeth.

***And in case I kick off before you get married – if you want, you can wear the dress I wore to marry your dad – it is beautiful!***

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